So I hate shopping. As a woman I am probably betraying my kind by saying this, but tough. Here are my reasons for hating one of Britain’s most loved pastimes.
Crowds
No matter what time, inevitably any shopping centre you visit will be buzzing with varying sizes of crowds. My problem with crowds is that a vast quantity of the population are seemingly generically stupid and crowds mean that you are likely to come into contact with one or more of these people, causing varying degrees of annoyance.
The Dodgy Trolley
We’ve all been there, you grab a trolley dash into the store and start your shopping assault; only to realise your chosen trolley has a dodgy wheel that causes you to veer to the right, jams periodically or screeches like a banshee . Or that there’s some unidentifiable sticky substance daubed across the bottom that’s now smearing itself onto your groceries. Or that there’s a screw that’s sticking out of the handle where the scanner holder used to be that now keeps jabbing into your hand.
Overzealous sales staff
You know the kind, the second you step in the store they’re on you like a fly on shit. Can I help you today Madame? Yes, you can fuck off and don’t call me Madame. I would absolutely recommend... Well you fucking buy it then.
Sales assistants who don’t know wtf they’re talking about
You’re in a specialist shop, so you assume the staff will have a little knowledge about what they’re selling. You’re wrong. Oh so very wrong, and not only that, they’ll make stuff up so they don’t ‘look’ like they don’t know what they’re talking about.
Crowds
No matter what time, inevitably any shopping centre you visit will be buzzing with varying sizes of crowds. My problem with crowds is that a vast quantity of the population are seemingly generically stupid and crowds mean that you are likely to come into contact with one or more of these people, causing varying degrees of annoyance.
The Dodgy Trolley
We’ve all been there, you grab a trolley dash into the store and start your shopping assault; only to realise your chosen trolley has a dodgy wheel that causes you to veer to the right, jams periodically or screeches like a banshee . Or that there’s some unidentifiable sticky substance daubed across the bottom that’s now smearing itself onto your groceries. Or that there’s a screw that’s sticking out of the handle where the scanner holder used to be that now keeps jabbing into your hand.
Overzealous sales staff
You know the kind, the second you step in the store they’re on you like a fly on shit. Can I help you today Madame? Yes, you can fuck off and don’t call me Madame. I would absolutely recommend... Well you fucking buy it then.
Sales assistants who don’t know wtf they’re talking about
You’re in a specialist shop, so you assume the staff will have a little knowledge about what they’re selling. You’re wrong. Oh so very wrong, and not only that, they’ll make stuff up so they don’t ‘look’ like they don’t know what they’re talking about.