This used to grace my home page, when I started this blog (a month ago today) but if you've been here before, you'll notice I've had a bit of a shuffle around and dived out of the mental closet like a bat out of hell. I didn't want to delete this bit as I really quite like it, so I've move it here instead. Oh and in case you're wondering why I have posts from October, when I didn't start the blog until December, it's because they're scribbles I jotted down at the time and backdated to add a little coherence to the blog. It didn't work because I've since added more old stuff and still have more to go so I quit with the backdating and I'm just going to throw it at you as it comes. Hope you can catch XD
I used to write ALL the time, random scribbles of all the sunny days and thunderstorms in my mind, or rants about whatever had ruined my day [or life, depending on the scale of impending doom at the time] and I really miss it. I always loved to write because I find it so hard to put what I think or feel into words. When I try to 'talk' about stuff I just malfunction like I've eaten a wheelbarrow full of sawdust and nothing comes out, or the wrong thing comes out. I'm really quite rubbish at it. Whenever I'm having a depressive episode, I completely withdraw and isolate myself from world. I can't bear to be around anyone because I know the slightest thing could set me off; and the thought of being the girl that sulks in the corner at the party and ruins it for everyone else is too horrific to comprehend. So good plan for saving everyone else, but it means I'm left all alone trying to save myself.
And that's where the writing comes in; I can just put whatever's going on in my head. I don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing or upsetting anyone or heaven forbid making anyone else feel miserable, I can be funny or brutal or suicidal and it doesn't matter, because it's just me and the page. I also find it really useful to read through all my ramblings. It helped make sense of things when my mind had stopped racing, or notice patterns, or just look back and think my God, I survived that! I must be bloody invincible!
So here's to all the funny stories and crap poems, the rants and the sad songs, the jokes and the unfathomable ramblings, I've found my way back to you.
And that's where the writing comes in; I can just put whatever's going on in my head. I don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing or upsetting anyone or heaven forbid making anyone else feel miserable, I can be funny or brutal or suicidal and it doesn't matter, because it's just me and the page. I also find it really useful to read through all my ramblings. It helped make sense of things when my mind had stopped racing, or notice patterns, or just look back and think my God, I survived that! I must be bloody invincible!
So here's to all the funny stories and crap poems, the rants and the sad songs, the jokes and the unfathomable ramblings, I've found my way back to you.